Turns out some dinosaurs could swim

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Fossilized foot marks left by a big meat-eater on a lake bed in northern Spain 125 million years ago provide strong evidence that at least some dinosaurs were good swimmers, scientists said on Thursday.

"Yeah we know" said Heff, while toweling himself off after stepping out of his lap pool installed somewhere around 400 B.C..

Rescuers to turn fire hoses on whales

RIO VISTA, California (AP) -- Unfazed by the sounds of other whales and clanging pipes, two wayward humpbacks will next encounter the spray of fire hoses, which scientists hope will herd them back toward the ocean.

In Related news, Elisabeth Hasselbeck has reportedly found a way to shoe Rosie away from the table on the View and back to her natural habitat.

to all the "boi"'s out there

Umm dude your online name here ends in boi... so I'm assuming that when you said you have no problem getting a date on Tuesday night, you meant heading on down to the local gay bar quaintly named "the slam hole" and taking some 84 year old man named Chester back to his place so he can pay you to jizz in his ice-cube trey.... yeah... oh btw.. we really don't give a shit about your "descent" job refolding sweaters people tried on and put back out of sorts over at the big BANANNA!

Touch Base part 2

I regret to inform everybody that the term "touch base" came out of my mouth today. I'm not sure how it happened. However I also noticed shortly after when I looked in the bathroom mirror I am now made of a clear plastic and can be used to clean snot crotches...

Colleges deal with items left behind by students

College students have more possessions than ever, and in the frenzy of finals, commencement and last-gasp partying before the end of the school year, little time is left for an orderly move. Purging is often easier than shipping or storing.

Its also a great way to traffic that last kilo you don't want your father blowing lines of off your mom's new breast implants.....

Yeah a lot changed since you moved out,, oh by the way, your room has been converted into a rape room... so if you don't mind sleeping on the couch for a little while..... yeah......

Bubonic plague kills zoo monkey...

After further investigation, an autopsy revealed the body to be that of SNL legend Chris Kattan...




We will miss you Mr. Peepers......

American Id-hole

Jordin or Blake?










My guess, would have to be Blake..... yeah Blake.... Blake has definatley been with more guys.

....... OH who's the better singer?...... how the fuck should I know, they both suck ;-)

not that I watch American Idle or anything like that

Quick Nip observation

If your a dude and decide to wear a white cotton shirt to work, you may want to take a quick look in the mirror before you head out the door to make certain that you don't look like you just got off of a stage at MTV's spring break during a wet T-shirt contest. I think that the size of your aureoles is something we don't need to arbitrarily discover while your parading around the office clueless to your exposed anatomy.

Just a thought....

ROFLcopter

I swear its work

A large portion of my job here in Boston requires me to render Architectural Drawings of large commercial buildings. A large portion of the rendering process requires me to place pretty little aesthetically pleasing signs for each client accordingly. Well today I get a little curve ball, and that curvball ended up taking a 90mph nose-dive directly into my external man ovaries.

One of the clients in this large building I am currently rendering is none other than Victoria's Secret. God forbid my company actually HAVE the original logo for the company on file, no, good old Nickie her has to go online and pull them off the Victoria's website.

Can someone tell me while I'm casually browsing pages full of half naked, malnourished, whorishly-beautiful under ware models, how to make it look like I'm not about to rub one out on my keyboard right here at work?

The "Are you serious" joke of the day..

Apparently my last name is also a website for woman's clothing...

yeah.. I'm serious

www.paiva.com

a great big "YOU go GURL" to me...

Adults tackle fear of water in swim class

More specifically Black Adults tackle fear of water in swim class....

Mathew McConaughe turmoil..

Congratulations to Mathew McConaughe for being chosen to co-star in this 07 blockbuster "The Wedding Planner."

However due to a irreconcilable contract dispute, the role of Mathew will be taken over by this D-List actor who is also very experienced in playing a GIGANTIC TOOL!

www.TheShowbizShow.com

Lets all take a moment and just look at David's photo in the upper-left hand corner of the blog, the photo/logo. Very cute picture, so when the guy at Sears told you to look at Mr. Muffins, the stuffed purple kitten and smile, you obviously were amused!! Btw how much can I offer your grandmother for a couple 8x12's of that precious little punnem? ;-)

AAEEEOOOWWWWW!!!!

Rock on David!!... Rock..... on

Women with cat pictures

I am convinced that any woman in your office with framed pictures of her cats on her desk at work have a couple of reasons why. (By the way, we all have these women in our workplace, so you should probably take this time to go on up to Martha's desk and take a look try not to get distracted by her large knit sweater with snowflakes and elves on it)

1) She has given up on the pursuit of penis and will resort to something she can lock in her apartment and won't comment on her stretch-marked ass and tell her to go to the gym.

2) She saves money on her water bill by using the poor furry animal as a cover up for the fact that she'd rather shit in a box of fresh step...

Robot probes sinkhole as proxy for icy moon

NASA is testing an underwater robot in one of Earth's deepest sinkholes in a first step toward searching for life on Jupiter's icy moon, Europa.

NASA has also announced that they will be probing the ass of Bob Barker to see if he is actually alive or just a bunch of formaldehyde soaked, overactive nerve endings collaborating to give the illusion of life.

No title needed..

Danger: Sanjay Gupta is poisening your kids food in the cafateria with his hair net!

Sorry Sanjay, but at what point did you think it was a good idea for your reporting career to go ahead and NOT take that silly ass "sloppy joe day" hairnet off?....

That said, I'm DEFINATLEY going to tune in Sat and SUn at 8PM ET!! You can count on that!!

The term "Touch Base"

It is my firm belief that %100 of the people who use the term "Lets Touch Base" as a regular part of their daily vernacular were not live births.. Rather they all at some point walked directly out of a small box with the words "Massengale medicated douche" on the side.

Seinfeld wears bee suit, earns buzz

When asked about his friend's latest publicity stunt Richards, commented "I have mixed emotions, I just wish it were all yellow, something bothers me about the black stripes, I HATE THEM"....

This just in, He doesn't hate the black stripes, he has no idea where that came from, he actually is wearing a pair a black shoes, so theres no way he can actually HATE Jerry's black stripes, he's sorry....

No theft charges for Lindsay Lohan

Just look at that sassy little, "No I haven't seen your purse, what was in it?,,, urrr umm I mean,,, was it Versace?,, wait,, no ,, I mean what color was it?" look on her face...

she's no thief..... she's just a bitch

Review: 'Shrek' continues genial hit-or-miss ways

In related news, Mike Myers has reportedly forgotten how to speak unlike a 900lb Scottish man with a kilt...

He has turned green, morbidly obese, and now lives in the middle of the woods, and only comes out every 5 years or so to make a couple hundred million on the simpletons who haven't yet grown physically sick of his overdone voice created circa 1984 on SNL..

You could always make an 8th austin powers movie Mike.. come on out

Sooooo.....

........ If you fart before you enter the subway station, walk about 50 yards to the Subway, get on the subway, ride the subway for 5 stops or roughly 25 minutes, and people are still looking at the bottom of their shoes trying to figure out who stepped in the gigantic pile of rotten placenta... does this mean... hold on let me look.....

yeah... I shit myself

nevermind

Hey Kev..... Sup?

Ok, just wanted to give you the green light to go ahead and die,, no really its ok don't wait up.....

yeah... cool... daps or whatever go ahead, on with it!!

Yes Paris those shoes are cute...

However just so you know...

No, clicking your heals together and chanting "theres no place like home" won't take you back to Kansas. On the bright side I'm sure there are plenty of signes in the lunch hall in jail that need letter altering to say "anal queen burgers".. however I'm not sure that your one brain cell with out the help of partner in slut crime Nichole Richie's one brain cell will be enough to pull something that whorishly 7th grade off!!

Nerd joke of the day!

The Developers of highly acclaimed software known to the design world as AutoCad, have announced that Old School Rapper "Biz Markie" was a significant part of the software's appeal to the much needed "hip-hop" demographic..

Congratulations to Biz!!

OH SNAP!!

10 year old sumo-wrestler on steroids?

Last night, on local news channel 10... maybe? or 7? or they might as well all have the same number because they all suck the same amount of ass. They had an adolescent boy around the age of,.. well I'm not quite sure, for fun why don't we say he was anywhere between 8 and 6. The kid could have been a chest double for ... well basically any human who has gotten breast implants and had them removed due to silicon poisoning.

Basically this guy but with the head of a mildly retarded 7 year old boy.

The topic of this compelling story was revolved around weather or not this kid took steroids. I'm glad they got right to the vital nerve of this conundrum: "is he using unfair performance enhancing drugs?" rather than the not so important issue of,, "hmm,, when this kid pops do we scatter around scooping up all the Jolly Ranchers and Blow Pops we can get our hands on like a bunch of celebratory Mexicans? Or better yet, maybe this kid shouldn't have eaten the blueberry flavored Jawbreaker that Willy Wonka specifically told him not to eat? Or even better I hope this walking, talking collection of pillows doesn't go into cardiac arrest with in the next few minutes..

Are you serious Fox News?

First day on the Blog...

I suppose I'll introduce myself first before I start making fun of people.

My name is Nick Paiva, I'm 26 from Newport RI, (yeah RI, you know that huge state that produces umm ZERO important people). I live in Boston now, which when you look past its baggy pants, crooked hat, Payless work boots, and obnoxious ability to sound like it hasn't mentally/phonetically matured a day past 6th grade shop class, its a pretty cool place.

Basically, I got sick of making silly comments on other people's blogs mostly David Spade's www.theshowbizshow.com and decided to start my own.

Allow me to warn you ahead of time, if your looking for a coherent, correctly spelled blog that will enlighten, and or prove to be in any way a positive escape in your everyday life this probably will leave you a bit disappointed.

I can assure you however that if you are looking for a mindless puddle of offensive soup and enjoy a few cleverly placed zings here and there, then you'll probably find this somewhat amusing. And by amusing I mean those plastic cars that 3-6 year olds ride in front of strip malls containing, a Dots clothing store, a Flea market called "Honestly we actually sell SHIT!!", and a Marshalls.